March 24, 2026

Season 2: Episode 12- From Breakdown to Breakthrough

Episode Summary: In this powerful episode, Nikki Cruise sits down with Lindsay Stadel, an entrepreneur, multi-business owner, and coach, who shares her courageous journey through mental health struggles, broken relationships, and personal transformation. Lindsay opens up about her experiences with depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, and how her faith became her lifeline. Through her story, she delivers a powerful message: You are enough, and God never writes people off. This episode is a h...

Show Notes
Transcript

Episode Summary:

In this powerful episode, Nikki Cruise sits down with Lindsay Stadel, an entrepreneur, multi-business owner, and coach, who shares her courageous journey through mental health struggles, broken relationships, and personal transformation. Lindsay opens up about her experiences with depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, and how her faith became her lifeline. Through her story, she delivers a powerful message: You are enough, and God never writes people off. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that our struggles do not define us—our resilience and purpose do.

Key Takeaways:

Joy is not a reward but a strategy to navigate life’s challenges.
God never writes people off; He writes them in, even through brokenness.
Mental health struggles like depression and anxiety are real and deserve open conversation.
Forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, is a crucial step in healing.
Faith can serve as a lifeline during the darkest moments.
Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you survive and thrive.
Purpose is revealed through surviving trials and choosing life over despair.

Scriptures Mentioned:

Habakkuk 2:2 – “Write the vision and make it plain.”
Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you.”
Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.”
Isaiah 41:10 – “Do not fear, for I am with you.”
Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Encouragement for Listeners:

Your struggles do not define your worth; you are enough as you are.
Faith is not a background character—it can be your lifeline.
Reach out for help; you are never too far gone.
Forgive yourself to unlock healing and transformation.
Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.
Choosing life and hope is a radical act of courage.
Even after trauma, God can reveal your purpose.

✍️ Root Check Questions to Reflect On:

Where in my life do I feel broken or overwhelmed, and have I allowed myself to acknowledge it?
How can I practice self-forgiveness today for past mistakes or decisions?
Who are the supportive people in my life that I can lean on during difficult times?
How is my faith helping me navigate current challenges?
What steps can I take to protect my mental, emotional, and spiritual health?
How can I embrace my purpose, even through pain or past failures?

Lindsay’s journey teaches us that acknowledging our pain, forgiving ourselves, and leaning on God can transform despair into hope and action.

Connect with Lindsay Stadel

Social Media: Lindsay Stadel
Email: lindsaystadel@gmail.com

Free Resource for Listeners: From Breaking Point to Breakthrough. A Guide to Protect Your Mind, Strengthen Your Faith, and Find Purpose in the Pain

Click here to download!

Stay Connected with Nikki:

Closing Encouragement:

“You were created for a unique purpose. When you invite God into your business, you step into a calling that impacts eternity. Remember, alignment doesn’t mean perfection—it’s a journey of trust, surrender, and joy.”

Until next time, stay blessed, stay joyful, and keep walking in your purpose!

WEBVTT

00:00:06.639 --> 00:00:09.519
Welcome to the Joy-Inspired Podcast.

00:00:09.679 --> 00:00:16.800
I'm Nikki Cruz, and I'm thrilled to explore with you what it means to walk in a faith-infused business.

00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:30.399
This is your space to find powerful tools and insights, to build with resilience and to create impact through your unique purpose, discovering a joy that only God can provide.

00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:37.439
Together, let's embrace a business journey anchored in faith and empowered by joy.

00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:39.359
Let's jump in.

00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:44.960
Well, hello there, beautiful people.

00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:52.399
It's Nikki Cruz, the Joy Junkie for the Joy Inspired Podcast, and I am so excited to be here with you this week.

00:00:52.640 --> 00:01:02.240
You know, this is the place where we fuse faith, mindset, purpose, and tons of joy into the entrepreneurial journey.

00:01:02.799 --> 00:01:09.359
I'm your host, and I'm here to remind you that joy isn't what comes at the end.

00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:12.879
Joy is the strategy that gets you through to the end.

00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:17.519
And my friends, today's episode is going to blow you away.

00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:35.040
Buckle up your spiritual seatbelts because we're about to dive in deep with a woman whose story is going to both bless you, shake you, and stretch you and remind you why God never writes people off.

00:01:35.519 --> 00:01:36.560
You know what he does?

00:01:38.959 --> 00:01:43.599
So today I have the absolute honor of welcoming this amazing woman.

00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:49.760
So grab your coffee, grab your pen, your notebook, and take a deep breath.

00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:51.200
Get ready for it.

00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:54.879
While I introduce you to the amazing Lindsay Stadle.

00:01:55.040 --> 00:02:06.879
She's an entrepreneur, multi-business powerhouse, and I do mean multi-business powerhouse, but she's also a coach, a mom, an author of a life-changing message.

00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:10.080
And she brings so much power forward.

00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:15.280
And her message is you are enough.

00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:24.400
Not you will be enough someday, not when you perform better, not when you finally feel worthy, but right now.

00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:27.840
And she shares that message from God for you.

00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:33.840
So let's get into this conversation of breakdowns, breakthroughs, faith, courage.

00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:44.800
Put it all together in this amazing, radical love of God story that hicks up every single time and puts tears in the eyes.

00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:48.400
Lindsay, my friend, I'm so excited to have you here.

00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:54.719
Thank you for saying yes to sharing your heart, your story, and joining us on this journey.

00:02:55.120 --> 00:02:56.240
Thank you, Nikki.

00:02:56.319 --> 00:02:58.800
I'm so glad that you invited me here.

00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:04.400
I you know, you are an amazing woman.

00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:10.240
All on its own, and an even more amazing woman when you share your story.

00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:13.520
You run a business ecosystem.

00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:20.479
So for those of you entrepreneurs out there who are going, I'm an entrepreneur, I have business.

00:03:20.639 --> 00:03:22.719
Listen to this lady, she has wisdom.

00:03:22.879 --> 00:03:25.199
And we all go through that at times.

00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:28.800
But one thing about Lindsay is she is as humble as anything.

00:03:29.919 --> 00:03:33.919
You've got four businesses plus a coaching business.

00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:44.159
My friend, you're running your own ecosystem here at this point with a number of challenges because you've chosen to be resilient and not give up.

00:03:44.400 --> 00:03:46.400
Tell us about your businesses.

00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:51.919
Tell us who you serve and what lights you up about the work that you do.

00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:52.879
Okay.

00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:56.879
Well, I am married to a farmer.

00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:00.960
I never thought that I would be a farm girl, but I absolutely love it.

00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:10.319
We own and operate four businesses, our saddle farms, where we raise and feed cattle.

00:04:10.639 --> 00:04:22.240
We have S Harvesting, where we go out into the cornfields with the big John Deere equipment and chop up all the corn into silage for those cattle.

00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:33.439
We have Flint Hills Transport, which is our over-the-road trucking company where we haul cattle and we also haul commodities like feed for the cattle.

00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:42.879
And then we also have TLS Logistics where we search for other drivers and keep them on the road.

00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:47.439
So we have all four of those businesses in the agriculture field.

00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:59.439
And besides that, I'm, yes, starting my breakthrough coaching business because I believe that what's the saying?

00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:02.480
If he brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:03.439
Yep.

00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:09.439
He brought me to it in a number of ways, and he brought me through it, and that's why I'm here today.

00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:15.600
And so I'm just starting out with my business, my breakthrough coaching business.

00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:28.959
But I also have life experience that you might not have ever talked to someone before with the experience that I have.

00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:38.160
I jumped out of a moving vehicle trying to end my life.

00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:42.160
And it did work.

00:05:42.399 --> 00:05:43.920
I was successful.

00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:49.680
But then I wasn't successful because I'm here today.

00:05:49.920 --> 00:06:05.839
And I'm here today to share my story of mental health crisis, anxiety, depression, suicide, because I don't want anybody else to go through what I went through.

00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:08.160
Suicide's not a bad word.

00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:16.720
It is a scary word, and I will give everybody that, you know, that right to think that it's a scary word, but it's not a bad word.

00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:24.959
It needs to be talked about as open and as honestly as if you've got the flu or you have a broken bone.

00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:34.079
So I'll rewind a little bit and tell you exactly what got me to that fateful day.

00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:42.000
I had been married for 12 years, and the marriage had turned cold and mean.

00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:53.920
There was a lot of emotional abuse, a lot of hurtful, hurtful words.

00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:58.480
And he never physically um abused me.

00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:07.839
But he was in a sense uh narcissistic.

00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:10.800
Sorry.

00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:18.480
I have nerve pain, daily nerve pain, all day, every day, because of my decision to jump out of the truck.

00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:21.360
And I'll I'll get to that here in a little bit.

00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:28.639
But my, like I said, my marriage turned cold, turned hard.

00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.639
And today we are friends.

00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:34.639
We're able to co-parent.

00:07:35.040 --> 00:07:40.000
He has turned a new leaf and he is an amazing father.

00:07:40.319 --> 00:07:46.319
So I don't want anybody to think bad about him because he is a new man.

00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:54.079
But back then, you know, things just were not going the way that I thought my life would go.

00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:58.160
I thought I'd be successful, I thought I'd have an amazing family.

00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:10.079
I did have and I do have two amazing kids, but it just was not the life that I had envisioned for myself.

00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:21.360
And I started volunteering at the local fire department, and I absolutely loved it.

00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:23.120
I I was seen support.

00:08:23.199 --> 00:08:27.120
I wasn't one of those that went into burning buildings and rescued people.

00:08:27.279 --> 00:08:32.240
I that was not my cup of tea, but I was seen support.

00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:44.559
I was there to direct traffic or to keep loved ones from coming up onto an accident or, you know, just that, those kind of things.

00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:47.600
And like I said, I loved it, absolutely loved it.

00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:53.600
I did get to go out and fight actually fight fire in a burning pasture.

00:08:53.840 --> 00:08:55.279
That was amazing.

00:08:55.759 --> 00:09:00.799
But my husband didn't think that I should be doing that.

00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:13.440
I was one of two, one of three women on a completely male-dominated fire department, and they became my best friends, my confidants, my protectors.

00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:19.200
You know, they they were an amazing group of people.

00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:24.159
And I felt at home and I felt at peace when I was there.

00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:27.519
And while I was there, I found my best friend.

00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:36.000
He was my partner um on the force, and we talked about everything.

00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:57.440
And I told him one day that I was contemplating divorcing my husband, and he told me that if I was gonna divorce him, then he and the fire department would be there to help me move out or to help me just fight the mental, you know, anguish that comes along with it.

00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:00.159
And so he and I grew close.

00:10:00.639 --> 00:10:17.519
He too was in a very loveless relationship, and that one had, I mean, he had been married for over 20 years, and he was also starting the divorce process, so we were really there to help each other.

00:10:18.159 --> 00:10:24.080
And my divorce became final in August of 2016.

00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:46.799
His divorce came final in September of 2016, and from then, I mean, we both had an amazing, a new outlook on life, and I unfortunately very quickly jumped into a relationship with another man who, again, mentally abusive, emotionally abusive.

00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:57.600
But he and his daughter were both physically abusive to me, and I didn't think I deserved anything better.

00:10:58.159 --> 00:11:01.039
My partner on the force told me that I did.

00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:11.120
All of my fellow firefighters told me that I deserved better, but I didn't believe them because that's what I had grown up with being treated bad.

00:11:11.840 --> 00:11:24.080
So over the matter of about six months, I my relationship with that man was on again, off again.

00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:24.559
Okay.

00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:29.600
And then my best friend and I decided, well, we're so close.

00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:37.039
We know what each other's gonna say, we know what each other's gonna do at a scene, and we thought, what the heck?

00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:38.799
Let's give it a shot.

00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:46.799
So I started dating my partner, and again, on again, off again.

00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:56.240
We were so much alike that I think it was almost bad or toxic at the time.

00:11:57.120 --> 00:12:02.960
And so there were two men that I was dating on again, off again, off again.

00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:11.200
My abuser and my best friend who very quickly turned into my savior.

00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:16.960
So we're gonna fast forward to September of 2017.

00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:19.600
His birthday is September 1st.

00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:30.000
And even though he and I were not talking, my my best friend, he and I were not talking at that time because we both decided we needed a little bit of space.

00:12:30.559 --> 00:12:36.480
I still went to his house and I just really I broke down.

00:12:36.799 --> 00:12:41.679
I told him how I needed help, help getting out of that relationship.

00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:49.279
So we started rebuilding our friendship and rebuilding my mental health.

00:12:51.039 --> 00:13:06.559
And you know, it just again, we decided we were gonna start dating each other, but I had yet to break it off with the gentleman who was my abuser.

00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:15.120
And at the time, my best friend's boys did not want he and I to have any relationship at all.

00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:24.320
And one of his boys on September 24th of 2017, one of his boys saw us together.

00:13:24.559 --> 00:13:36.159
We were driving around country roads, because we live in a rural community, country roads, drinking, laughing, singing the songs, having a good time, because that's what you do out here, you know.

00:13:36.559 --> 00:13:46.799
And one of his boys saw us and told him he had to choose, and I did not take that well.

00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:53.120
I told him that he needed to take me back to my car because I wanted to go home.

00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:59.440
And pretty much right as after that, my mind went blank.

00:13:59.919 --> 00:14:07.519
I don't remember the conversation from his house to my car, which was probably about eight miles.

00:14:07.759 --> 00:14:26.159
I don't remember anything except for reaching for the door handle of his truck, the light in his truck coming on, you know, because cab lights come on when you open the door, and then I remember screaming.

00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:38.960
We were going about 30 miles an hour down a gravel road, and I decided that I had hadn't had enough.

00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:42.559
I had put so many people through so much.

00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:51.759
My kids, I lied, I cheated, I stole anything and everything that I could do just to keep afloat at that time.

00:14:52.639 --> 00:14:56.159
And I thought that my kids would be better off without me.

00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:59.360
I thought that the world would be better off without me.

00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:01.120
So I jumped.

00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:06.559
And Lindsay and listeners, can you imagine?

00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:16.240
And if you can, and if your hearts are breaking at the moment, because you can relate, get the Holy Spirit into that place.

00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:21.039
Because you're being given permission by God to recognize it.

00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:27.840
And for others of you, you may be listening and going, but but why?

00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:29.519
What was so bad?

00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:43.759
When we come from a place of depression, anxiety, where there is an absence of joy, we take on so much more than what is real.

00:15:45.519 --> 00:16:01.759
And Lindsay was sitting in this place where this was like the end of the world to her, so much so that instead of wanting to protect herself, she wanted to protect the world from her.

00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:05.440
And she chose to jump.

00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:11.919
And I know, Lindsay, and I thank you for sharing your story because that takes a lot of courage.

00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.600
It takes a lot of courage.

00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:20.720
And hey, can anyone else there relate when you say, you know, I did the relationship wrong, and then I did another one wrong?

00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:24.000
And then again, like, you know, what was wrong?

00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.000
Why didn't I see it?

00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:28.559
It must be me.

00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:31.679
It must be me.

00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.399
No, you are enough.

00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:38.879
And this is exactly the message that Lindsay has learned.

00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:49.360
So now that you've all had a chance to grab your tissues, now that you feel the Holy Spirit moving, just take a moment and open your hearts.

00:16:49.600 --> 00:17:00.080
And Father God, I just pray right now, if there is anybody out there who is feeling this lonely and desperate, that you would come right now, comfort them.

00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:07.519
Move into the space that they're in right now, and give them the courage to reach out.

00:17:08.799 --> 00:17:11.839
Not to shut down, but to reach out.

00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:13.440
Thank you, Father.

00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:21.680
And folks, there are there are in the description links of people that you can connect to.

00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:25.440
You can reach out to myself, you can reach out to Lindsay.

00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.799
You are never too far gone.

00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:32.319
You might feel it, but you are not.

00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:43.440
So I just wanted to interrupt and say that because you need to hear that before you look at this, because you are hearing the story to this point.

00:17:43.599 --> 00:17:47.599
But look at this amazing woman that you can see here.

00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:52.400
But it didn't flip over overnight.

00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:59.519
And I want to honor your bravery and your openness in talking about and sharing this.

00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:07.680
And what I know now is that your faith wasn't just a quiet background character, it was your lifeline.

00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:14.240
So, what happened from that moment, Lindsay, when you chose to jump?

00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:27.920
Well, I didn't jump because I wanted to die, I jumped because I wanted others to live without the pain that I was putting them through.

00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:50.559
And I do not recall anything after that for 24 hours because I was life flighted to a trauma center where I underwent surgery because of the way that I landed.

00:18:50.799 --> 00:19:10.079
Basically, I landed on my face and it turned my head so severely that skin from my forehead was torn down, and my left arm was limp, and they couldn't figure out why.

00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:14.240
So when I woke up in the hospital, I was bald.

00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:27.519
They had to shave my head to do surgery to stitch me back up, and they had me on suicide watch in the hospital.

00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:35.839
And when I woke up, the very first thing, Nikki, that I thought of was why didn't it work?

00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:50.400
And then the second thing that I thought of is I realized that my daughter is sitting next to me in the hospital.

00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:56.640
The second thing I thought of was my kids wouldn't have known why.

00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:58.880
Why did mom leave?

00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:06.319
And it was at that point that I realized that I was supposed to be here.

00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:14.640
You can't die and be brought back to life unless you have a purpose.

00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:35.599
And so I was in the hospital for a week, and then I went to live with my mom and dad because I was told that, or they were told, that I needed to not be alone.

00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:40.720
And I lived there for two weeks.

00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:10.240
Um, and you know, my kids were never in danger because I never thought about hurting myself when I was with my kids.

00:21:10.559 --> 00:21:16.240
It was when I was alone that I was hurting.

00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:21.039
And no, I wasn't alone that night, but I felt alone.

00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:22.240
Yeah.

00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:34.640
So my family had an intervention, convinced me to self-commit to a mental hospital, which I did.

00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:51.440
And for the first couple days, I felt like I didn't belong there because here are all these people that you know have are having all of these huge things going on in their lives, and they're here for these reasons.

00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:59.440
And here I am feeling like I am playing an act, you know, playing a part in a play.

00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:54.640
Or I'm here feeling like uh uh that I'm an imposter because I'm trying Can I pause you there because I think this is such an important point, you know, and we see it on the two sides of faith because we see people who don't believe they have a story or a testimony because they didn't have a dramatic enough conversion or offend happen in their life, they weren't healed out of a wheelchair like I was, so they don't actually have a story, or they didn't have something extremely bad happen to them, so they don't have the right to feel the pain they're in, and that's what you're talking about, folks.

00:22:54.880 --> 00:23:05.599
When you feel the pain, you're feeling it, and it doesn't matter if nobody else can relate or understand it.

00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:39.839
Jesus does, and that pain is real, and I want to encourage you to recognize that nobody gets to tell you that what you're feeling isn't real, it may not make sense to them, they might may not see that it's justified, you may not even see that it's justified, but until you try and justify it enough and realize that that's not the point, the pain is what you need to deal with.

00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:43.599
The brokenness is there, it doesn't matter why.

00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:50.000
And that is something we miss so often because we want to look at the reasons why.

00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:59.680
And often I think that's done out of our heart of trying to understand people, but it ends up becoming a self-judgment and an other's judgment.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:02.799
If you are feeling pain, your pain is real.

00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:08.400
You get to own how you feel, and you get to deal with it.

00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:12.880
You have permission to be who you are.

00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:20.240
And I just wanted to interrupt Lindsay there because she realized that in that moment.

00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:34.880
And you think, uh-uh, I don't belong here, not because you think you're the exception to the rule or better than anybody, you almost feel like you're not as bad as everybody else, so you have no right to get the help.

00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:38.400
That is the lie of the enemy, folks.

00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.480
That is the lie of the enemy.

00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:42.559
Go ahead, Lindsay.

00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:44.000
Thank you.

00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:54.079
So I remember sitting in group therapy, and we're supposed to write letters to each other or to ourselves.

00:24:54.240 --> 00:25:01.839
We're supposed to write letters to ourselves, letters to our past self and letters to our future self.

00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:06.240
And also I did was stare at a blank piece of paper.

00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:15.680
Because how am I gonna tell my past self to watch out for these signs when I couldn't even see them myself?

00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:28.079
And how am I gonna tell my future self that it's okay to heal from this when I didn't believe that I had the right to be living?

00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:36.240
And so my letter was I forgive you.

00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:43.119
I felt something going through my body at that specific moment.

00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:46.480
I didn't write, I forgive myself.

00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:49.039
I didn't write, I'm okay.

00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:53.599
I didn't write you're lucky to be alive.

00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:55.680
I wrote, I forgive you.

00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:04.559
And I think the reason why I wrote that is because he was telling me to, because he was telling me he forgave me.

00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:14.799
And so that was really the turning point in my recovery.

00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:41.680
I spent a week at the mental health facility, and when I left there, I went back to my house and decided I need to get out of, get out of the small community I was living in because there were so many rumors, and I'm not gonna be able to heal physically or mentally if I'm hearing people talking about me everywhere I go.

00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:49.359
So I moved only about 30 minutes away, but far enough away that I could heal.

00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:58.000
Yeah, I tried to start living my life again, but my left arm was still limp.

00:26:58.160 --> 00:26:59.680
I couldn't move it.

00:27:01.279 --> 00:27:05.359
And so I started seeing doctor after doctor after doctor.

00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:20.720
Ended up being told that I have a brachial plexus injury, which means that my nerves were pulled out of my spinal column, completely torn apart, because of the impact.

00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:34.160
You know, when I laid it on my face and my head turned so severe, the that tore the nerves in my left arm.

00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:38.880
And so the pain that I was feeling, it was phantom pain.

00:27:39.119 --> 00:27:44.720
Because when my nerves, when your nerves aren't attached to each other, you shouldn't be feeling anything.

00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:49.599
But my brain is sending out pain signals because there's something wrong.

00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:50.559
Yeah.

00:27:51.359 --> 00:28:11.200
And I ended up going to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, being told that I do have post-traumatic brachial plexopathy, brachial plexus injury for short, um, and that there was nothing that they could do.

00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:12.960
Wow.

00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:20.000
When your nerves are completely torn apart, you can't just you know stitch them back together.

00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:44.480
They did tell me that they could attempt to reroute some nerves into my arm by taking a nerve from the back of each of my legs, taking a nerve from my chest wall and rerouting it and laying them in my arm to kind of give a new pathway, but that it wasn't guaranteed.

00:28:45.359 --> 00:28:54.480
Oh, I decided I needed to try anyways, because if I didn't try, I would always think, what if?

00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:12.000
And you know, I was told I went through some intense psychiatric therapy, and my therapist gave me an expression that I use to this day.

00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:15.279
What if equals fear?

00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:20.960
If I hadn't gone through all the surgeries, I'd have been thinking, what if?

00:29:22.799 --> 00:29:24.559
What if this went wrong?

00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:26.880
What if this went wrong?

00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:34.000
But on the flip side, she says, even if equals faith.

00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:46.240
Well, even if this goes wrong or this goes wrong or this doesn't heal, then what am I going to do to help myself?

00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:51.359
So I started some very intense physical therapy as well.

00:29:52.240 --> 00:30:07.359
I had a total of eight surgeries from September 24th of 2017 through February of 2020.

00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:16.880
And went through, like I said, some intense psychiatric help, some intense physical therapy.

00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:19.119
And I do have movement back.

00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:26.799
I can use my arm to support not much more than 15 pounds, but for short periods.

00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:29.279
But I do have use of my arm.

00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:32.880
I can hold things, I can support things.

00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:45.359
You know, it's funny when you can't use your hand anymore, you start to realize things that you're not going to be able to do for yourself or do easily.

00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:53.039
I can't put a bra on as like I would, like I used to be able to, you know, with both hands behind my back.

00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:56.400
I have a hard time buttoning my jeans.

00:30:57.119 --> 00:30:59.119
I cannot tie my shoes.

00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:02.799
So all my shoes that I wear have the elastic bands.

00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:09.839
Um, I cannot type on my computer with two hands.

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:11.279
I only have one hand now.

00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:15.200
So much that so many people take for granted.

00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:19.440
And I can relate to that from when I was in my wheelchair and couldn't do things.

00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:21.680
And you know what?

00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:33.039
I would encourage you, you folks listening, just to build up your understanding and empathy for people and to elevate your gratitude to God for your ability.

00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:45.039
Put a sock over one of your hands today, and just see how even that, not having the use of your fingers individually, affects you.

00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:50.720
And then show God the gratitude for all the ability you do have.

00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:58.319
Because it doesn't matter what is wrong, we don't live in lack, we live in abundance.

00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:01.759
So have gratitude for all that you do have.

00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:08.480
You see Lindsay sitting here now, and we're close to being out of time for today.

00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:19.839
So I'm gonna invite you to come back next week and listen to the other half of this redemptive story because you've only heard a little bit of the redemption.

00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:29.119
But ladies and gents, she is sitting here right now, and we are gonna hear the rest of the story.

00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:37.519
But one of the things you hit on so powerfully, Lindsay, there was that so many people carry shame around their lowest points.

00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:41.519
And in that shame, we withdraw.

00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:45.759
It's in that place of shame that God wants you to go to him.

00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:55.759
You you don't you don't need to hide from him that he wants to be in that place with you so he can comfort you and heal you in it.

00:32:56.000 --> 00:33:06.160
But Lindsay, we're gonna pick up on next week's episode because you have chosen to carry purpose.

00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:19.119
And I want us to focus on that, and I want people to see and hear the redemption that has come through your story, not just for you, and the power of that.

00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:33.200
So just remember, folks, if you're sitting with dry eyes, think hard about what you're protecting yourself from feeling because it means you're not connecting with something that's there.

00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:38.799
If you've had tears dropping this morning, let Jesus into that vulnerable place.

00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:42.400
And don't forget to reach out.

00:33:42.720 --> 00:33:44.880
Ask someone to pray with you.

00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:47.039
Share where you're at.

00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:53.359
Do not hide your mental anguish, do not hide your depression, your anxiety, your shame.

00:33:53.599 --> 00:33:59.839
Don't say I don't deserve to live the dream life God intended for me.

00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:02.880
Because that's not true.

00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:06.079
God wants all of us to live in joy.

00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:15.199
So be sure to check out the show notes below and to get Lindsay's details to go ahead and follow her.

00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:22.960
And please, if you know somebody that this episode will encourage, please share it with them.

00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:28.639
And Lindsay, we'll be back next week to hear the second half of your story.

00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:43.599
But what is one word of encouragement or one scripture you can share with the women out there who might just be feeling dry and lonely and in that place of thinking, I have no reason to complain, but I've lost my joy.

00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:56.639
You know, I've done a lot of thinking about what a like a one-line my my drop my mic, you know, statement would be.

00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:09.599
And it starts it does start with you are enough, but it continues with let's see, you are enough.

00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:33.760
No more pretending, no more hiding, just unapologetically, you should not have to apologize for being yourself, and you are perfectly and wonderfully made, and you may have made mistakes, you may have made bad choices.

00:35:34.079 --> 00:35:57.360
God is not beyond redeeming your life and letting you live in the abundance of his kingdom and having four businesses and a wonderful family and moving forward and using whatever mistakes you had made in the past as a beautiful message to move forward into the future and encourage others, just as Lindsay did.

00:35:58.079 --> 00:36:08.559
So, folks, tune in next week and in the meantime, stay joyful, stay focused on the Lord, on his words, on what he says about you.

00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:13.760
And remember, joy isn't just a feeling, it's a strategy that you get to choose.

00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:17.199
It's not your backup plan, it's your blueprint.

00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:20.320
I hope that sunk into your head already, folks.

00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:24.239
And you, yes, you listening, are enough.

00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:30.480
I'm Nikki Cruz, and I'll see you next week for another joy-filled, faith-filled episode.

00:36:31.519 --> 00:36:36.159
To finish this conversation, you will not believe what you hear.

00:36:36.400 --> 00:36:37.440
Blessings all.

00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.599
Lindsay, thank you so much.

00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:41.039
Thank you, Nikki.

00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:50.000
Thank you so much for joining me on the Joy Inspired Podcast at www.joyinspiredpodcast.com.

00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:56.400
Make sure you hit that subscribe button so that you can get this and every other episode that comes out.

00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:00.000
We have lots of great stuff coming, and you don't want to miss it.

00:37:00.159 --> 00:37:02.400
So make sure to hit that subscribe.

00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:10.079
I am so grateful for all the reviews and comments, and I look forward to serving you in next week's episode.